When We Return...
I hope that we have a renewed attitude towards what our job means, entails, provides.
I hope that we have moments we can look back at and celebrate as something unique, helpful, priceless.
I hope that we have stories to share, sitting in circles around a make-believe fire, about our lives while we were apart.
I hope that we don't lose our innovation, our mindset towards children, our willingness to adapt.
I hope that we work together more strongly from working apart for so long.
I hope that we get closure - graduations, yearbooks, goodbye gifts.
Hugs.
I hope we can move forward without worry about the reason we're there.
I hope that we haven't forgotten each other.
I hope that we don't have to start over.
We are teachers.
We're doing a great job, great things, with great people, for great kids.
We are adapting.
We are championing for students.
We are providing supports.
We are making it work.
So much so that we have become complacent with this new normal. That was the goal, right? Adjusting and making it work.
We've done it. This IS working. And, if there were ever any doubts that teachers across the country would make this work, the doubts have been purely overcome.
Of course they have.
It's working. Maybe not everywhere for everyone for all time. But, does teaching ever work for everyone, everywhere, all the time?
It's working, and we have become safe and complacent.
We've achieved a normal - albeit with its obvious challenges, breakdowns, and struggles.
But, I have one thing to iterate: this isn't normal.
We can continue making it work - adjusting, fixing, changing. But, so many people have lost track of the long-term gains, failures, or repercussions.
We're focusing on now, and not what happens when we return.
I'm beginning to feel as though we're becoming stagnant in this new way of life. I understand why: it's what's necessary, obligatory, safe.
Life will return to normal, though. Someday.
And, I've sat in virtual meetings all week. There's a sense of complacency - of the fight going away. Teachers are maintaining this new normal. I'm proud of them. I really am.
And yet, all I can think about is how so many of us are okay with not going back to school this year - how many have embraced that fact of our non-return, our finishing the year here in our own homes.
"Three weeks isn't enough to do anything."
"Half the kids won't even show up."
"They have to adjust to school again."
"Finals would happen right away. We haven't taught them anything."
"It's not worth it."
And, suddenly, all the hopes go away.
Because "when we return" turns into "if we return."
To me, there's no "if" ever in my mind. We will go back.
Do we not need to prepare for that, too?
And maybe this is solely personal. I need closure.
This is my last year in my own classroom. I cannot comprehend having already taught my very last lesson in my own classroom. To be completely honest, I wasn't being present enough in that moment to even remember my last lesson.
This is my first year creating a yearbook. I need to know what to do better. I need to hear the kids' complaints, worries, fears, should-haves, and could-haves. I need them to sign it. I need the group of 8th graders that have been jaded for so long to see what results after hard work. I need the students who worked on this to have a sense of accomplishment, pride.
This is my last year teaching a content I have bored years of hard work and energy into. Sure, I have a great story now - a one-of-a-kind story - of teaching online. But, I don't get a final hurrah in my area of passion. I don't get to enlighten these 7th graders with the work we would have done - building memorials to those who have passed, thinking about our own stories and their impact on us, reading a novel that would challenge and empower them.
I'm not yet okay with letting those things go - among so many others.
And I know so many people who aren't, either. But, the more we go into this, the less complacent I hope we become. This way of teaching - of life - is normal now.
But, it's not normal.
I hope we don't forget that.
I hope we all seek closure - an ending, a return - whenever that may be.
So, when we return, return fully.
When we return, apply our adaptations.
When we return, champion more.
When we return, embrace the chaos.
When we return, smile.
When we return, move forward.
When we return, return fully.
We deserve that.
Our students deserve that.
I hope we don't lose hope.
I hope we keep fighting to go back.
I hope we realize that it's hard to maintain these thoughts, these hopes. It's the hardest thing I have ever had to do.
But, I don't think we should pretend that it's not hard - like we are told to do.
Be positive, they say.
We got this, they empower.
Nothing will keep us down, they chant.
I hope those well-meaning mantras don't get in the way of reality.
I hope we can begin to realize that it's hard, but it will be over.
I hope we can complain and cry and stress through this together to get us through.
I hope we realize it's not all rainbows and butterflies.
I hope we realize how everyone is struggling now, so we can help each other flourish later.
Because, when we return...
We will return.
And we should be better for it.
