"Any questions?" "Yeah, where would you like my resignation sent?"

For the first time in my five years of teaching, I had this email/Zoom comment typed out.

And then I left the meeting before it was over.

Because I remembered feeling like this mere hours earlier:

I don't often get the chance to see how I look and smile and laugh when I teach. I know and feel those things with my whole heart, but I don't ever see them.

Genuine joy.

This is what genuine joy looks like.

And I don't know that I have ever seen that look on my own face.

How could I leave something that, if even for a moment, brings this?

It must have been fate: I was snapping screenshots for the yearbook of my week on Zoom with my classes, and, when I went to snap a picture toward the end of everyone shouting and waving goodbyes, they left the zoom right when the snap of the screenshot went off - leaving me with this.

This is why teachers put up with everything they do. Not only now - A L W A Y S

And now that reason is captured on camera.

Proof.

Everything sucks right now.

I hate what teaching is right now.

And everyone saying that every change we make is good. And that they are "so proud of us." And that we are "doing such good work." And we are "an amazing team." And we need to stay positive.

That's toxic; I have been feeling bad for feeling bad.

I almost quit today.

That's real.

And this picture?

That's real.

Teaching.

Is.

Hard.